Coping with Covid-19
The corona virus is having a profound effect on both our physical and emotional well-being. It is an incredibly stressful time. We are worried about our health and the health of those we love. We are worried about protecting ourselves from an invisible but deadly threat. We are worried about finding the products we need when store shelves are empty. Most of us are worried about losing our income, or savings, or both. Our children and spouses may be at home and require our attention while we try to maintain a safe environment and fulfill all our usual obligations, including work. The situation is compounded by the need for social distancing. The support we would normally receive from getting together with friends and family is not readily available. Social distancing can easily lead to social isolation, especially for the elderly, and social isolation is associated with a host of emotional and physical challenges. Our normal routines have been shattered. We are living with uncertainty and there is no end in sight.
In this environment, it’s not unusual to feel overwhelmed, to experience anxiety, insomnia, emotional exhaustion, loneliness and even depression. You may also feel stress in your relationship with your partner. Issues that seemed small or manageable may be exacerbated or become major problems as you both adapt to new schedules, new responsibilities and anxiety over the sudden changes in your lifestyle and finances.
I have put together some suggestions to help individuals and couples cope with these difficult times. If you find that nothing seems to help, please don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Most therapists are offering telehealth sessions during the crisis, and it can make a tremendous difference to share what you are feeling and find strategies that will make a difference for you.
For Individuals
If you are feeling overwhelmed, try to create structure and set priorities to replace the routines that are no longer possible. Get up at the same time. Prepare for the day – showering, getting dressed - as you would have done before the crisis. Routines are familiar and give us a sense of normalcy and control that is comforting. If working-out or eating a particular breakfast were part of your ritual, stick to it. Find a replacement for going to the gym, even if it’s just taking a walk. Make lists of the things you need to get done in order of priority. Be reasonable about what you can accomplish, and give yourself permission to leave the least important items for another day. Try to be objective about what absolutely must be done versus what would be nice to get done. Odds are, there will be some things on your list that could be put off to another day. Finally, make time for yourself each day to do something you enjoy
Anxiety is a very common reaction to a crisis, and it can be debilitating. Fortunately, there are several effective strategies to help reduce anxiety. Try to find time to exercise, meditate or do yoga for 30 minutes each day as these are powerful stress reducers. Check the news just once or twice a day, not every hour. Remember, anxiety is a form of fear. If you are feeling anxious, ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” If you can formulate an answer to that question, you can often reduce the source of your fear.
Make a conscious effort to stay virtually connected to friends and family. Take the initiative to call and check in. Do video chats if possible. This is a great time to reconnect with friends you haven’t spoken to in a long time. Odds are they are sitting at home and would welcome your call. Remember, you are not alone dealing with this crisis. It’s likely your friends and family are experiencing some of the same emotions you are. You may be surprised at how comforting it is to have your feelings affirmed, to know that others are facing the same challenges and to support loved ones as they support you.
For Couples
The current crisis can put tremendous strain on your relationship with your partner. Suddenly, you must deal with a whole new set of challenges and agree on how to share new responsibilities. Perhaps you are both at home trying to work and take care of your children at the same time with limited space. You may have differences of opinion on how to keep yourselves and your family safe and healthy. You may disagree about how to handle your finances. One or both of you may feel overwhelmed, anxious and short tempered. In this situation, empathy and open communication are vitally important. Make time with your partner to talk one-on-one. Use the time to share how you are feeling and to negotiate what you will each be doing the following day. Try to agree on priorities and make a plan that you both feel good about.
If you find yourself in conflict, don’t let it simmer and don’t fall into the “accusation trap” of telling your partner all the things they have done wrong. Instead, share your feelings and your needs. There is a huge difference between saying “I’m doing everything around the house while you sit in front of your computer doing nothing” versus “I’m feeling overwhelmed by all of the things that must be done and really need your help.” Accusations, however justified, usually lead to our partners’ becoming defensive and the conversation goes downhill from there. Sharing your feelings and needs openly is much more likely to achieve the outcome you desire.
Listen and have patience. In stressful situations, it’s easy for us to become hyper-focused on ourselves. It’s a natural response, but your partner needs to be heard and validated as much as you do. Listening is an essential part of good communication. Give your partner the space to express their feelings and needs. Ask questions to make sure you understand and to let them know you are listening and engaged. Have extra patience if they are anxious or short-tempered, because you know they are simply responding to the crisis.
Make time for intimacy and connection. Express affection and appreciation to your partner. Cuddle. Give them a hug in the middle of the day. Do something together that you both enjoy – take a walk, watch a movie, play a game or even take turns reading a book aloud. This is the time to nurture your relationship and maybe even make it stronger in the face of adversity.